The actor, 49, talks about his royal heritage, earliest memory, hard times in a hostel, four gifted kids and what happened when he met Sidney Poitier
David, you are going to walk among kings.” This was my mum’s prophecy when I was small. My father is from a royal family in Nigeria, so I interpreted it that way. Remarkably, she was right: I went on to play King Pelasgus, Henry VI, Martin Luther King and Seretse Khama.
My earliest memory is sitting on my dad’s shoulders as he walked down Balham High Street in London. I was eating a cream puff, watching the sugar fall into his hair. I can still smell and taste the cream. It felt magical, both the longest and the shortest walk imaginable.
We moved from the UK to Nigeria, where I attended a military-style boarding school for three years. There were lashings and I was made to cut an entire field with a cutlass. Those formative years were character-building and made me value the wisdom of elders, but the idea of subjecting my own children to that is inconceivable.
When we returned to the UK, we lived in a hostel for a time. Mum was coping with a lot of challenges, but she was a joyful person and always made our environment feel like we were kings again.
My wife [actor Jessica Oyelowo] was told her IQ is off the charts during an assessment for ADHD. Now, she’s a member of Mensa. Our four children are neurodiverse, too. They have incredibly special attributes that they wear as superpowers. I’m in awe that I get to be their father.
Any lasting relationship needs non-negotiables. We made the decision early on never to be apart for longer than two weeks: 26 years married and we’ve only broken that rule once, by 11 hours, when my wife was in Sleepy Hollow. If I ever meet [director] Tim Burton, I’ll be having words.
Never let the sun go down on your wrath. We won’t go to bed if a disagreement isn’t resolved – sleep makes it grow like cancer. Before you know it, you don’t remember why you were fighting, ego and pride becomes a factor, and then it starts to fall apart.
God has never let me down. He’s a key factor in guiding my decisions and feeling safe within them. My wife and I suffered three miscarriages, one of them quite late in the pregnancy. Without faith, we would have retreated into our own corners to lick our wounds, but our love increased.
Sidney Poitier, a hero of mine, was full of compliments and respect when we met. I mustered up the courage to say hello and to tell him what he means to me, but instead he started talking about my work. I still doubt myself that it happened, but I have the photograph.
Oprah Winfrey played my mother in The Butler. In one scene, she slaps me across the face, which was nerve-racking, because with each take she was gaining in confidence. Oprah taught me that the intention with which you do something manifests in the thing itself. If your intentions are pure, the chances are that it will be edifying both for you and the people you’re doing it for.
Success is subjective. It can sometimes mean coming away from something that failed, knowing you gave your best. That has been a guiding and guarding principle for me and has stood me in very good stead.