Your job now is not to manage your wife’s feelings but to focus on your own behaviour
The question I am a man in my mid-50s, living with my wife and our children. Two years ago, I admitted to an affair, texting sex workers, watching porn and checking out women in public. I was not upfront with my wife and it badly affected her self-worth. Since then, I have been in therapy and some childhood issues have come to light around secrecy, lying and feeling unlovable. But I take responsibility for my actions. We have also done couples’ counselling and spent two difficult years working through it all while raising the family.
In recent months, things have been better. Trust has been rebuilding, we’ve felt closer and the future felt hopeful. But last week she caught me looking at a woman on the street in a way that upset her. I lied about it at first, then admitted it later. It reopened all the old wounds and I’m angry at myself for repeating the same damaging behaviours around dishonesty and ogling.
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