So-called experts are warning women about men who try too hard to look like feminists. There are worse red flags than that
Picture a man sitting opposite you on public transport. He wields a copy of The Will to Change by bell hooks, and he takes care to parade the front cover or the spine lest any nearby strangers miss the title. He is in his 20s or 30s and conventionally attractive; maybe he has a dangly earring or two. There on his knee rests a tote bag. This man would not engage in loutish, careless behaviour like “manspreading” or placing all his stuff on the seats. And the tote bag probably bears the logo of an ethical brand or a bookshop. The bag is probably adorned with social-justice badges. If he showed you what music he is listening to, it might be, say, Lana Del Rey or Clairo.
Here we have the performative male – a new kind of vaguely problematic man to watch out for. And one who is the subject of all manner of viral TikToks and memes, and media coverage everywhere from GQ to the New York Times, which reported on a recent performative male contest in Seattle. For some reason when I picture him he always has curly hair. Big bouncy lustrous curls. You can probably add your own details, but you get the picture. The idea is that the performative male is a guy who goes about looking feminist and woke. The catch is that his aesthetic is curated to appeal to what he thinks women might like rather than being a totally earnest expression of his interests.
Rachel Connolly is the author of the novel Lazy City