They were deployed to fight crime. Instead, some are spreading mulch. It’s almost sweet – if you remove the context
If soldiers are going to be deployed to your city, what would you prefer they do: point a rifle in your face or mow your grass? This is not a question I ever expected to have to consider in my days on this planet, but life is full of surprises. As part of Donald Trump’s military deployment to address Washington DC’s so-called “crime emergency”, national guard troops are being tasked with various groundskeeping duties around the United States capital. These duties include spreading mulch around cherry trees, picking up trash and general maintenance of public spaces. The president must have been too embarrassed to get Four Seasons Total Landscaping involved again, so he got the military to do it instead.
It’s a real “swords into ploughshares” moment, or in this case, “M4 rifles into those grabber sticks you use to pick up plastic bottles full of piss.” It’s almost sweet, if you separate the move from literally all outside context and just think about a part-time soldier pruning your bush. The national guard is actually trained for sanitation and groundskeeping, but they are usually deployed for such purposes in a crisis like a natural disaster or even during the height of the Covid pandemic. Except: there’s no natural disaster, no stay-at-home orders due to a deadly virus, no wildfires, no floods. The only crisis here is man-made.
Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist
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