The president is upset with his photo on the magazine’s cover. I, too, have a bone to pick with my scalp
Why are we so obsessed with hair? Just a bunch of fibers sprouting out of your skin, yet we make a massive fuss over it. Those with it, flaunt it. News anchors, fashion models, that damned Jeremy Allen White. Boy, does he love to show off. His hair should be nominated for an Emmy, just on thickness alone. What did he do to deserve that floppy mess on top of his head? I thought this country was a meritocracy? Nope. He’s obviously benefited from a family history of thick locks.
Call me greedy if you must, but I don’t just want some hair – the sad remnants of a life in decline – I want a lot of hair. I want so much hair that I have to employ a live-in barber to trim me up twice a day just to keep it all from consuming my entire face. I want people in the streets screaming at the top of their lungs. “Look at that hair! The guy under it isn’t so bad, either!”
Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist
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