The Proverbs 31 woman today: How women can thrive in their calling

“The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”

This famous quote from the English poet William Wallace rings true, but can women rock the cradle while simultaneously typing on a laptop? How can we do both?

The debate on whether or not women should work or be stay-at-home mothers seems like a lose-lose situation.

Motherhood is one of life’s greatest gifts and gravest responsibilities. Between working, parenting, cooking, and cleaning, mothers feel the full weight of parenthood in the ups and downs.

Over the last several years, the “trad wife” trend emerged as the antithesis to the working career mom that feminism shoved down women’s throats. “Trad” is short for traditional. Simply put, it means women who take on the traditional role of motherhood in things like cooking, staying home, raising children, and living out the conventional gender roles.

Since the rise of feminism, society has told women that “you don’t need no man,” and your career is far more important than raising children and homemaking. But like most things in life, human nature tends to swing from one extreme to another, and now women feel like they’re boxed in a corner with only two options: career or motherhood.

But they’re not mutually exclusive.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom. I bottle fed my baby dolls. I played “house.” I cooked food in my “kitchen” outside. And, even from a young age, I wanted to homeschool my future kids.

You could say I was a “trad wife” in waiting — well, minus the hobby farm.

I never imagined I would get married at nearly 30 and have children later down the road. I spent a portion of my 20’s living and working in the political belly of the beast: Washington, D.C. I related to the career-only women who wanted nothing to do with children or marriage. Ironically, my “career” and the skills I gained in D.C. led me to South Dakota where I met my husband, started a family, and ultimately planted roots.

The debate on whether women should work or be stay-at-home mothers seems like a lose-lose situation. And when we look at the ideal, biblical mother through the lens of scripture, there’s a key piece of information we often miss.

From the very beginning of time and before sin entered the world, God tasked Adam with the garden to “work it and keep it” (Genesis 2:15). Since women are helpers and co-workers (Genesis 2:18), we too are called to work. In Colossians 3:23, Paul exhorts believers to work, saying, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”

With our work, we are commanded to prioritize our families and homes, as Titus 2:5 lays out for ladies — be “workers at home.” Work doesn’t merely equal a job outside the home because managing a house is full-time work.

The biblical world didn’t have laptops and remote work or 9-5 job options — but God lays out principles for us as we live and work.

When we think of the epitome of a godly woman who works, we often look to Proverbs 31. Admittedly, reading this chapter can make any woman feel inadequate. Who is this superwoman?

No one truly “has it all,” but the Proverbs 31 lady certainly seems to be the complete package. She sounds perfect. She runs businesses; she cooks; she feeds the poor; she makes clothes; she wakes up early and goes to bed late (a true superpower); she “looks well to the ways of her household;” she worships the Lord; she laughs at time to come; she works out; she manages finances; she’s hospitable; she’s wise; she’s kind; she “works willingly with her hands.”

The list goes on.

This woman sounds like Martha Stewart meets Elon Musk meets the Ballerina Farm woman, Hannah Neeleman. What doesn’t she do?

But that’s not the intent here.

Interestingly enough, Old Testament scholars have noted that the present-tense verbs in Proverbs 31 function to convey past tense or whole actions, so she isn't doing all of the things listed at the same time. This chapter displays the Proverbs 31 woman’s resume of past experience, not her current job description. King Lemuel’s mother, the author of Proverbs 31, instructs her son on the kind of woman he should marry — someone who works hard and serves the Lord with excellence. She doesn’t list a specific woman and then exaggerates her countless abilities. Not at all.

To aspiring mothers

During my early single years, I felt like if I had a “career” it would send a signal to potential guys that I’m not interested in having a family. I believed the lie that pursuing a full-time career was somehow distancing myself from that life because it might appear I was prioritizing work over having a future family.

However, pursuing what God called me to do by working hard, learning new skills, pouring myself into my church and community, and striving to refine my character paved the way for me to meet my husband and use my God-given gifts within motherhood.

The habits we build, the skills we hone, and the person we become is who we’ll be in marriage. Pining away for a guy and living a couch potato life is far from what God intended for us. If being a stay-at-home mother one day is a priority, then working hard and learning as much as possible in singleness will equip us for excellence in marriage and motherhood. There are so many transferable skills — like time management, handling money, and more.

Before marriage and family comes along, I’m of the opinion that every woman should have some way to earn a living.

To mothers who stay home full-time

In contrast to the above, there should be no pressure to have a full-time “career” in a different season of life.

Choosing to stay home full-time and raise children and educate them (which has become a popular option for a lot of mothers) is worthy and noble. My mother stayed at home full-time with me and my siblings, and so did my mother-in-law and most of the mothers I grew up around.

For those who have done this well, it’s no walk in the park. Managing a house, educating children, and all of the in-between things can be more exhausting than going to work full-time. But if this is what we choose to do, we should strive to do it with utmost excellence, using every skill and gift we have and applying it to the home.

A lot of full-time stay-at-home moms I know even like to dabble with side hustles like tutoring, teaching piano, blogging, and other things to use their skills to make some side money.

God has given us a mandate in 1 Peter 4:10-11 that says, "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."

So as mothers, we’re called to work using our talents and giftings whether that’s full-time mothering and/or home-educating. Master cooking. Be the expert on educating. Work hard at setting a peaceful tone in the house.

The principle is this: We must strive to honor the Lord in every kind of work he’s called us to do faithfully and excellently like the Proverbs 31 woman.

No matter what, we shouldn’t half-heartedly tackle our calling. We should strive to be masters of it.

To mothers who work full-time

None of us should feel guilty about working full-time outside the home either. Our primary calling is to build strong character and gain skill sets with the gifts God’s given us — building our own version of a Proverbs 31 resume.

Working a job should never be prioritized above our family, though. There are situations where a mother working full-time outside the home is in fact the best way to serve their family as long as she keeps her priorities straight and is candid with herself about her motivations.

When we put our career on a pedestal and stake our identities in it, that’s when we need to reorder our priorities.

The Proverbs 31 woman has jobs and ran businesses and “out of her earnings she plants a vineyard” (verse 16). She finds another way to invest her profits. We don’t know whether the Proverbs 31 woman was running a business while feeding three under three (highly doubtful), but it really doesn’t matter. The point is that whatever we do, we must do it well and honor God with our work. In verse 13, it says she “works with eager hands.” As mothers, we should be working with a willing spirit as God has instructed us.

Whether we’re aspiring mothers, stay-at-home moms, or working full-time while juggling kids, our highest calling is to honor and glorify God, using the gifts He’s given us to serve and work for the good of others and his kingdom.